Our Friend (2019) – A Raw, Real, and Remarkably Human Portrait of Love, Loss, and Loyalty
Our Friend is one of those rare films that doesn’t just tell a story — it invites you into a life. Directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite and based on a real-life article by Matthew Teague, this 2019 drama is a quietly devastating yet ultimately uplifting portrayal of what it means to truly show up for someone. It’s a film about cancer, yes — but more importantly, it’s about friendship in its purest, most selfless form.
Plot Summary
At the center of Our Friend is a seemingly ordinary trio: Matthew Teague (Casey Affleck), a journalist; his wife Nicole (Dakota Johnson), a theatre actress and mother; and their longtime best friend Dane (Jason Segel), a kind-hearted but adrift soul. Life, at first, is filled with the beautiful chaos of family, careers, and dreams. But everything shifts when Nicole is diagnosed with terminal cancer.
What follows is not just a tale of illness — it’s a complex emotional journey through love, grief, and resilience. As Nicole’s health rapidly declines, and as Matt struggles to manage the physical and emotional weight of caregiving, Dane steps in with an act of extraordinary compassion: he puts his own life on hold and moves in to help.
And he stays. For weeks, then months. What could have been a temporary favor turns into a deep, enduring act of devotion — not born from obligation, but from a quiet, unwavering love for his friends.
A Story Told in Fragments, with Emotional Precision
The film’s structure is non-linear, jumping back and forth across timelines — from early courtship and joyful moments of parenthood to the harrowing final stages of Nicole’s illness. At first, this fragmented storytelling may seem disorienting, but it becomes one of the film’s strengths. Life isn’t linear, especially when filtered through memory and grief. The film mirrors the way we recall people we’ve loved: in flashes, in laughter, in unbearable moments, and in the silence in between.
This temporal dance allows the audience to fall in love with Nicole and understand the depth of Dane’s sacrifice. It invites us into moments that are tender, painful, awkward, and achingly human.
Performances That Feel Lived-In
Casey Affleck delivers one of his most subtle, aching performances as Matt — a man quietly crumbling under the weight of anticipatory grief, guilt, and helplessness. His portrayal avoids melodrama and instead offers something far more moving: the quiet despair of someone who doesn’t know how to hold on or let go.
Dakota Johnson is radiant and haunting as Nicole. She brings both warmth and a slow, gut-wrenching vulnerability to a role that could easily have been reduced to a one-dimensional “dying woman” trope. Instead, she is fierce, funny, flawed, and fiercely alive, even as she faces the end.
But it’s Jason Segel’s portrayal of Dane that elevates Our Friend into something transcendent. This is not the comic relief sidekick. This is the soul of the film — a man who finds purpose not through career or romance, but through radical empathy. Segel brings tenderness, depth, and dignity to a role that reminds us: sometimes, being there is everything.
Themes: What Makes This Film Truly Special
What Our Friend does so beautifully is explore the often invisible labor of caretaking — not just for the ill, but for those who love them. It looks at friendship not as a series of shared drinks and memories, but as the decision to carry someone else’s burden when they can no longer carry it themselves.
It also portrays death in a way that is painfully accurate and uncomfortably real. The physical decline. The emotional disorientation. The way time begins to move differently — both too fast and unbearably slow. And in that realism, it finds something sacred: the privilege of walking someone to the edge of life with love.
And yet, this is not a hopeless film. It is steeped in humanity. In the idea that love can exist in platonic forms just as powerfully as in romance. That grief and gratitude are two sides of the same coin. That the greatest acts of love are often the quietest ones.
Cinematography & Score
Visually, the film captures a soft, lived-in intimacy. The cinematography doesn’t dramatize the pain — it observes it, often quietly, as though respecting the privacy of its characters. The lighting shifts subtly across timelines: warmer hues in memories, cooler tones as the present grows heavier.
Rob Simonsen’s delicate score lingers like an echo — never overwhelming, always accompanying. It’s tender and restrained, just like the story itself.
Final Thoughts
Our Friend is not flashy. It doesn’t offer easy catharsis. But what it does offer is far more valuable: truth. The truth about what it means to love people as they are, and to stand beside them when everything else falls away.
This film doesn’t ask for your tears, but it earns them. And in doing so, it becomes a quiet triumph — a story not just about death, but about life, and the kind of love that doesn’t demand anything in return.
Rating: ★★★★★ (5/5)
One of the most honest and emotionally powerful films of the decade. Unmissable.
